Friday, September 7, 2012

Venting for personal reasons - not readable for others


The following is just me venting.  Ignore it.  I had to write it somewhere.  Consider this a personal journal entry for nobody's eyes but my own.  Thank you for understanding.  (And Mom, if you do read it ... please no comments ... )




I am ready to throw in the towel on boy #2 as far as school is concerned.  His attitude leaves much to be desired and when his response to me indicates I am interrupting his day with school work my only thought is ... fine ... go to public school, buddy.  Let them deal with your attitude; see how much you'll like it there when you have more than one person during the day telling you what to do!  I left at 7:50 this morning to take Amber to violin.  Returned shortly after 9 only to hear he was "done" with his schoolwork for the day.  Granted, his math class starts next week, but his grammar books arrived yesterday and you'd think I had asked him to pick up dog doo, mow the lawn, weed the garden, pick up and vacuum the house, plan dinner, and do the laundry ... and all I asked was for him to do lesson one!  This happens every year throughout the year.  Does Daryn see it?  No.  It is conveniently held for me to deal with on a daily/weekly basis.  Fantastic.  I should feel so blessed!  Additionally, it is one horrible example for the younger two to witness.  Urgh!  I thought we were done with this attitude ... I guess not.  Where's my wooden spoon?  Where's the principal?  I need to send him to the office!  Daryn Bartlett ... get home ... you have a student waiting for you in your office!


Now that I've ranted and raved ... I love my son so much it hurts.  Maybe that is why it bothers me so much when he does this to me?  It kills me.  I feel I walk on eggshells with him and have to tread very carefully so I don't piss him off.  He always seems to be pissed off at me.  I hate that term, but that's exactly what it is.  Anger, pure and simple, aimed directly at me and I have no way to deal with it other than telling him, fine, do it yourself.  Good luck.  I want him to excel in school and flourish and want to learn.  I know he thinks he knows it all, but he doesn't.  I'd love to say to him, fine, you don't have to do the ABeka grammar for 10th grade.  But, he does.  I have eliminated the spelling/vocabulary, and poetry on the premise it is covered in his HOW I curriculum.  But, I have to have him know all the literature terms this year.  It is his last year with grammar studies and he needs a firm foundation.  Does he see that?  I doubt it.

Now, Evyn, I know you are going to see this and probably get all ticked off again.  Maybe that is a good thing.  You won't listen to me when I talk to you at the table, so maybe you can further understand how I feel if you see it in writing.  Grammar is a necessary evil ... you have to do it whether you like it or not.  I know you're mad I had you start today rather than Monday.  Too bad.  It's one day closer to summer next year.  I love you, more than you will probably ever know.  I do not give you these things because I dislike you, but because I love you.  I pray you will understand.

I love you.

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